Well this old MadMan has pretty much had it so pardon me if I wine and bitch as I sit on my pity pot!
I have had it with all the bullshit from every direction. God must have a plan but what. Why is it that I as well as others have got to hurt some much try so hard for so little.
Its been maybe a year without a attack then out of the blue with none of the warning signs I get hit with not one but two fucking Seizures in a day. (Don,t tell the old lady) first one no big deal. I thought as I hit the ground here we go again. 2nd one was the worst I think I have ever had. (It happened at the art shop filled with all kinds of smell stuff & lookie lou's. That may be a big part of it).
Now I hurt like hell neck back shoulder and there is that dam elephant that sitting on my chest.Luckily the head is not pounding, any more.
All the nice concerned people at the store could not under stand why I need to get out of the store."Wait help is on the way", "Don't move you might have hurt your neck."
Now when these attacks come I kind of loose my ability to talk partly from lack of breath. What I hear is coming to me down the tunnel and is mixed with the muffle vibration of the bell clanger that just rang my clock and the only thing I see is what is right in front of me.Total tunnel vision. I managed to get a word out one word and a lady understood. AIR! They got me out side that helped and the medics where there soon after.Same old shit,stick the mask on me hook up the leads to my chest, give me hard time about not going with them to the ER. Don't get me wrong they are great people doing a great job just wish the had not got called out for my miserable ass.like I told them this is not the first time.
Now the Quacks had 2 years of poking and probing me and never got anywhere except my blood presser goes through the roof after one of these attacks.They looked at my heart long and hard I say its not the heart its something wrong in my head.but what do I know. Anyways A big thanks to paramedics and apologizes to all the people whose time I took up today as well as yours for reading this shit. So how was your Day ?
Now to make a long story even longer I said all that to say this.
It is days like this that I start talking to those voices and wonder Why am I still here? Is this it Have I been sober all this time just to suffer the humiliation of these fucking seizures or what ever they are? It is a wonder that I have not done myself in.
then again Pink said it best
"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the
most of us...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad...
I have had it with all the bullshit from every direction. God must have a plan but what. Why is it that I as well as others have got to hurt some much try so hard for so little.
Its been maybe a year without a attack then out of the blue with none of the warning signs I get hit with not one but two fucking Seizures in a day. (Don,t tell the old lady) first one no big deal. I thought as I hit the ground here we go again. 2nd one was the worst I think I have ever had. (It happened at the art shop filled with all kinds of smell stuff & lookie lou's. That may be a big part of it).
Now I hurt like hell neck back shoulder and there is that dam elephant that sitting on my chest.Luckily the head is not pounding, any more.
All the nice concerned people at the store could not under stand why I need to get out of the store."Wait help is on the way", "Don't move you might have hurt your neck."
Now when these attacks come I kind of loose my ability to talk partly from lack of breath. What I hear is coming to me down the tunnel and is mixed with the muffle vibration of the bell clanger that just rang my clock and the only thing I see is what is right in front of me.Total tunnel vision. I managed to get a word out one word and a lady understood. AIR! They got me out side that helped and the medics where there soon after.Same old shit,stick the mask on me hook up the leads to my chest, give me hard time about not going with them to the ER. Don't get me wrong they are great people doing a great job just wish the had not got called out for my miserable ass.like I told them this is not the first time.
Now the Quacks had 2 years of poking and probing me and never got anywhere except my blood presser goes through the roof after one of these attacks.They looked at my heart long and hard I say its not the heart its something wrong in my head.but what do I know. Anyways A big thanks to paramedics and apologizes to all the people whose time I took up today as well as yours for reading this shit. So how was your Day ?
Now to make a long story even longer I said all that to say this.
It is days like this that I start talking to those voices and wonder Why am I still here? Is this it Have I been sober all this time just to suffer the humiliation of these fucking seizures or what ever they are? It is a wonder that I have not done myself in.
then again Pink said it best
"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the
most of us...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad...
