Just sitting here in the dark with my random thoughts. Thinking wondering. How easy it would be to throw in some stuff to my back pack and take a long walk to who knows where.
Now I know I suffer from depression and yes it's untreated but at this moment I do not feel depressed. How I have managed to not do something really real stupid lately is a true wonder. I am broke well no I am pass broke give me a shit load of money and I might get close to being broke.I just spent the last few days not being pissed mad or disgruntled about much of anything but I have this underlying need to just say fuck it I'm out of here! But then where to go? I have even thought about going to the hospital telling them fix me before its to late! the pain must go away! never mind the new pain start with the old and work your way up.There is a answer some place has got to be. most likely in the nut house or the grave.
And why is it that my wife and kids think they need to push me to the point of total pissyness and send my in to the realm of the madman.Now if I was to win a lottery A Big one, First thing I do is pay everyone off then leave enough money for the family to make it for a year maybe two and I would just vanish. No more of her shit no more being the bad guy. no more none of it.
I would be fishing in every place I have ever wanted to.
I want out but have found no way to get there. I love my family and I would miss my youngest more then anything.Still this cold wall between my wife and Me has done it's damage and I do not see any point anymore.
So if you do not see me around don't worry just pray for the best and except the worst!
Now I know I suffer from depression and yes it's untreated but at this moment I do not feel depressed. How I have managed to not do something really real stupid lately is a true wonder. I am broke well no I am pass broke give me a shit load of money and I might get close to being broke.I just spent the last few days not being pissed mad or disgruntled about much of anything but I have this underlying need to just say fuck it I'm out of here! But then where to go? I have even thought about going to the hospital telling them fix me before its to late! the pain must go away! never mind the new pain start with the old and work your way up.There is a answer some place has got to be. most likely in the nut house or the grave.
And why is it that my wife and kids think they need to push me to the point of total pissyness and send my in to the realm of the madman.Now if I was to win a lottery A Big one, First thing I do is pay everyone off then leave enough money for the family to make it for a year maybe two and I would just vanish. No more of her shit no more being the bad guy. no more none of it.
I would be fishing in every place I have ever wanted to.
I want out but have found no way to get there. I love my family and I would miss my youngest more then anything.Still this cold wall between my wife and Me has done it's damage and I do not see any point anymore.
So if you do not see me around don't worry just pray for the best and except the worst!
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