I wanna go home.
Take off this uniform
And leave the show.
But I'm waiting in this cell
Because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time?
PinkFloyd
Something I have noticed is that when people ask you how your doing or hows it going, most of them really don't care. The ones that do never seem to be in any better state. I am so tired of hearing "have faith"," God will will help", "don't give up". "There is always hope"."Hang in there" Well from where I am sitting it seems like that's just away for some people to think they are helping , its just words with no weight or substance. my faith is tarted torn and failing. There is no hope anymore it is lost. All I can find seems to be closed doors wasted time filling out applications, one rejection after another. Whats the point of it all. Yes my depression is truly kicking my ass.
I feel I have entered into the realm where there is no return with human aid. If one more person tells me to cheer up or smile I might just rip there fucking head off and tell them to have a little Christmas cheer! Yes I am depressed Leave me the fuck alone
As for you people out there in the world that just go through the motions of being social and pleasant if you didn't want to know why the fuck ask.
You have your $20k Car to drive back and forth between your Home and party's you give change to some poor smuck ringing a bell to help someone you never see or send money to the so call starving in Africa but turn a blind eye to those in your own community. Yes I have those dark thoughts Yes I am depressed Leave me the fuck alone unless you can really be of help.
There is nothing you cheery smiling goodwill spreading holiday merry makers can say that is of any use.
"Waiting for the worms to come."
PF
For some of us, those words of good will are all we have to offer...
ReplyDeleteI have no money to send to you, and I doubt the change I can afford to give out would do you the kind of good you're seeking.
So, instead, I send out the knowledge that someone is thinking of you, and wishing you well.
I'm sorry it isn't enough, but it's what I have to give.
And so I give it.
Krystal if you didn't notice I said most of them really don't care. I know who the ones that do care are.I do not know how it is for any one be side me on dealing with depression. What most people do not seem to realize is that try as you will with all this once a year cheer and words of encouragement most of it helps very little or makes it worst. Most of the time it seems as thought they feel that its the depressed persons fault.I know for how hard times are for everyone in the family And my statements in my blog was not directed to any of my family blood or extended.And what I was looking for on FB more then anything was resources. I think what pisses me off more then anything this time of year is those people out there that are giving,kind,and merry during the holidays but catch them in the rest of the year and they snooty stuck up look down at you like your some kind of lowlife. These are the people who's words have no weight or substance.
ReplyDelete