I am sorry I hurt you

   I am grieving,for lost friends and love ones and for one that is harder then all the rest.Someone I love more then any other, My son. Although he is is still alive He is gone possibly forever.I love him . I have to live with in my morals. He sees with the eyes of youth and I see with eyes of a old man. Having lived those same mistakes been on the same long lost road. I know where that road go's. It is a old Rd and not forgotten. Behind its beauty there is something sinister. It haunts me still.
 I could have handled it better I feel remorse over not what I said just how I said it. I wish I could take it all back.Yet I know,  I can not and should not. Because I love my Son. I cry over the loss. Yet I know I must let it go. He is a man now his choice is his, just as my choice was mine when I was young. I fear I will have it all to do again soon with his brother. As a child I never knew how much I hurt my father. He has been gone so many yrs now I wish that I had his strength and wisdom to draw on now.
 He dose not think I understand. He wonders why I hate him. I don't I love him just as I love his brothers. Since he is My first born Son My love for him is special.  I understand him more then then he knows. I see a lot of me in him. So I will keep on praying. perhaps God will lead him home or at least mend my sorrows.