I took the Handle MADMAN because ... well I am mad. Not wacko- made buy Nabisco, stuttering porky pig loony tunes mad. Just in my head pissed off at the world made. And those jokes about the voices. Well there may be a touch of truth to them.
I have a story to tell, more then one to be truthful. Guess you do not get to 50yrs old with out having a few anyways.
This one well I want it to be right and very beautiful,(it most likely will not be.) Its for one of my favorite people. It may be for you and we just don't know it yet.
It is the why This MadMan is able to hole on to sanity. It is in part why I have not done myself in, Why I refuse to.
It is why after everything that has come along in life. The pain the suffering the struggles both physical and spiritual, the ripping apart of the things I love.
It is the why and how of my hope. It is the how I know there is a God, A purposes.
Now as best I can here is this part of my story. It is if not the most important part and a part that until now has been shared with only a few when I new it was right .
Some people say its just a ritual. Some say it is a rebirth. I am not going to say one way or the other.
I will say I believe that we can have many true spiritual awakenings.As well as being reborn again.
Now after a time of seeking God looking for Him. Not the God You are most likely thinking.
I spent many years looking for a power. A creator. A something.
I fell into the wrong side of most things spiritual.
I walked away form it for years.
When I came back when I sincerely wanted to change (yet deep in side I knew that if there is a God he will have nothing to do with me) I was lost. I was beyond the reach of
human aid.Then I found God. I wandered on and off his path, that is to say my path. The path He picked me up and put me on. Now I am not or have I ever been what you would call A good follower. A good Christian. I was not,am not.
I still get lost and off the path. Yet still there was the moment that it all changed. It came when I was baptized. I would love to sit down and talk to you about it.
So to make this part of my life's tail shorter I will try to condense it some.I have never been much of a writer.
I fear things loose a lot when I try to tale it here and not in persons.
As I said, it was when I was baptized. Dave the preacher that baptized me is a small framed man and when he dunked me down He dropped me, he apologized for it after we finished.I told him "Dave I felt hands on me the hole time"! And I did, I could feel one hand on my back right shoulder the other on my lower back. I went down in the water genital as you could ever what to be dunked and came up the same way. That was when it happened. That was when God spoke to me. One word yet there was so much more then that word. There was more. I can not do it justice here. I will say I knew then As I know now who's hands I felt. Who's voice I heard. Everything was clear at that moment, it all made seance.
To go on I said it before I am not perfect. Not a good Son to my Father. My heart has been broken more times then I can remember. I suffered lost and I have done some Great and wonderful things as well as some large and embarrassing blunders. I want no rewards or meddles nor do I seek sympathy, Even tho I may sometimes seek help.
I know depression I have had a joy at times that I thought my heart would explode. (I've pray it would stay in my & all our hearts). In all these things I know I see that word. I know there is a reason even I can not see the end result.
Now if you have stuck with me this far you may have asked what that word was. Well that word is mine and not to be told here. What I have told you here about His speaking to me That one word. I have not spoken of before. The reason for all this, well lets just say this part of it all had a time to tell and I was told to tell it.
I was told as well ,You would read it.
I have a story to tell, more then one to be truthful. Guess you do not get to 50yrs old with out having a few anyways.
This one well I want it to be right and very beautiful,(it most likely will not be.) Its for one of my favorite people. It may be for you and we just don't know it yet.
It is the why This MadMan is able to hole on to sanity. It is in part why I have not done myself in, Why I refuse to.
It is why after everything that has come along in life. The pain the suffering the struggles both physical and spiritual, the ripping apart of the things I love.
It is the why and how of my hope. It is the how I know there is a God, A purposes.
Now as best I can here is this part of my story. It is if not the most important part and a part that until now has been shared with only a few when I new it was right .
Some people say its just a ritual. Some say it is a rebirth. I am not going to say one way or the other.
I will say I believe that we can have many true spiritual awakenings.As well as being reborn again.
Now after a time of seeking God looking for Him. Not the God You are most likely thinking.
I spent many years looking for a power. A creator. A something.
I fell into the wrong side of most things spiritual.
I walked away form it for years.
When I came back when I sincerely wanted to change (yet deep in side I knew that if there is a God he will have nothing to do with me) I was lost. I was beyond the reach of
human aid.Then I found God. I wandered on and off his path, that is to say my path. The path He picked me up and put me on. Now I am not or have I ever been what you would call A good follower. A good Christian. I was not,am not.
I still get lost and off the path. Yet still there was the moment that it all changed. It came when I was baptized. I would love to sit down and talk to you about it.
So to make this part of my life's tail shorter I will try to condense it some.I have never been much of a writer.
I fear things loose a lot when I try to tale it here and not in persons.
As I said, it was when I was baptized. Dave the preacher that baptized me is a small framed man and when he dunked me down He dropped me, he apologized for it after we finished.I told him "Dave I felt hands on me the hole time"! And I did, I could feel one hand on my back right shoulder the other on my lower back. I went down in the water genital as you could ever what to be dunked and came up the same way. That was when it happened. That was when God spoke to me. One word yet there was so much more then that word. There was more. I can not do it justice here. I will say I knew then As I know now who's hands I felt. Who's voice I heard. Everything was clear at that moment, it all made seance.
To go on I said it before I am not perfect. Not a good Son to my Father. My heart has been broken more times then I can remember. I suffered lost and I have done some Great and wonderful things as well as some large and embarrassing blunders. I want no rewards or meddles nor do I seek sympathy, Even tho I may sometimes seek help.
I know depression I have had a joy at times that I thought my heart would explode. (I've pray it would stay in my & all our hearts). In all these things I know I see that word. I know there is a reason even I can not see the end result.
Now if you have stuck with me this far you may have asked what that word was. Well that word is mine and not to be told here. What I have told you here about His speaking to me That one word. I have not spoken of before. The reason for all this, well lets just say this part of it all had a time to tell and I was told to tell it.
I was told as well ,You would read it.
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