On the 6th of this month at about 6:45 pm I was driving home with my wife when we had a 23 yr old pregnant woman turn against the light right behind a van that went Thur as well. the car was totaled. Since then the days have been a blur of pain, drug's, sleeping problems & grumpiness.To top it off my wife who seems to be worst off has had her monthly friend show up early. (So I will gimp over to the store for chocolate after this) She is black and blue purple and yellow all over as well as a infection in her leg now from the gash.
On the bright side I am no longer hacking up blood but still stiff and sore. By the way the Doctor down at Swope med is a quack! But all that is not why I am here today. Truth is I don't know why for sure I have things to say but know not how to put them down.
As I have said before I do not do well on meds.It seems that they do not do the job the way they were meant to on me. It has been that way for years
Years ago I went on anti depressants for my depression and they work, I was not depressed. Nor was I happy, I felt nothing. I was for the most part a robot a zombie I walked around doing the things that I new I had to do with no feelings at all. I stopped being creative.Stop my writing ,I stopped interacting with my kids.
I can not tell you what it was that snapped me out of it.That is you would not believe me or at least some of you wouldn't but Ill just say it was a act of God.
Over the years of my life I have never had many friends. When I louse one it hurts. I learned long ago that people come and go in life.One day after finding my girl friend with another man I found the key to loneliness. I gave it to God.For the most part I have left it there.
The thing is I have found God is always with me. He loves me when I am screwing up just as much as when I am doing what He would have me do. If I am doing it my way or his. He loves me, as I am, the way I was and the way I will be. Everything I have ever had or will have is by his grace. He was there in the car that night on the 6th. He was with me when I had my seizures, he'll be there if I have more of them. He was with me all the times in the hospital as a patient and as the one there with a loved one. He was there with me when I gave CPR to my son and the day I tried giving it to the old man that didn't make it.He was with me that night as I cried. He guided me that night as He has many times before. He talks to me in many ways, sometimes I don't listen sometimes I am to warped up in the clamors of the world. At times I am wrap up in my own little shit, pal-vaulting over mouse turds. God loves me as I am and he has taught me to love others the same way.
Am I a Good Christan, sometimes I fall short of the mark (way to often) but I try And He knows my heart He knows my intent. He judges me on those and people judge me on my actions and there out come.
So if I am talking street talk with some drunk that's trying to get sober or talking with Rev.John about the bible it's all the same. God knows my heart even if you don't.
this took longer then I thought I was distracted and I also had One of my few and closes friends call with a troubled mind & heart. I can only hope I helped and pray that they find there way.
Most people see me and my life they think bad things things like I am worthless or pathetic or what a loser.They say things like I don't want any thing he's got. But they have no Ideal what I got.
That is a blog for later Now I must be going my honey needs some chocolate and I need stuff for cooking dinner
The
MadMan.
On the bright side I am no longer hacking up blood but still stiff and sore. By the way the Doctor down at Swope med is a quack! But all that is not why I am here today. Truth is I don't know why for sure I have things to say but know not how to put them down.
As I have said before I do not do well on meds.It seems that they do not do the job the way they were meant to on me. It has been that way for years
Years ago I went on anti depressants for my depression and they work, I was not depressed. Nor was I happy, I felt nothing. I was for the most part a robot a zombie I walked around doing the things that I new I had to do with no feelings at all. I stopped being creative.Stop my writing ,I stopped interacting with my kids.
Over the years of my life I have never had many friends. When I louse one it hurts. I learned long ago that people come and go in life.One day after finding my girl friend with another man I found the key to loneliness. I gave it to God.For the most part I have left it there.
Am I a Good Christan, sometimes I fall short of the mark (way to often) but I try And He knows my heart He knows my intent. He judges me on those and people judge me on my actions and there out come.
So if I am talking street talk with some drunk that's trying to get sober or talking with Rev.John about the bible it's all the same. God knows my heart even if you don't.
this took longer then I thought I was distracted and I also had One of my few and closes friends call with a troubled mind & heart. I can only hope I helped and pray that they find there way.
Most people see me and my life they think bad things things like I am worthless or pathetic or what a loser.They say things like I don't want any thing he's got. But they have no Ideal what I got.
That is a blog for later Now I must be going my honey needs some chocolate and I need stuff for cooking dinner
The
MadMan.
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